Disco Goes Home

Growing up in an orphanage teaches you a lot. Mostly how to survive with ratty blankets and minimal food and lots and lots of noise. I don't remember anything from my childhood before i was left at the Coruscant Children's Home. Then again, i was about 2 months old. Though until a few months ago, i thought it was from birth.

I have an amazing life. Married the man of my dreams, have the two most beautiful daughters in the galaxy, my sisters, Deliah Blue and Kitiyari are amazing, and i've made so many friends. Also, own my own business. A bakery on Coruscant, Sinful as Sith Caffa and Cakes. Not bad for an orphan who thought she'd be working at the Jedi Temple Library forever! But there has always been something niggling at the back of my mind...something unfinished. I didn't know who i was. My name was a nickname from the kids at the home, and i chose my last name from a book. I never knew my birthday or where i was from. And most importantly...why my parents didn't want me. The time had come to find out. With help from a scrap of paper in an old box, my husband, Echo, and Deliah Blue, i discovered a little bit about myself.

My name is Kalle'a Lira Althros Gryphon. My mother was Geladra and my father Atos. My mother was from a small planet..Ord...something. She left when she was 15 to work on Chandrila in the house of government. the scrap of paper we found was a note from my mother. We found out what the language was and Blue and i took off...not easy as i was REALLY pregnant. When we arrived, we were told that the language was a little used dialect from a small village nearby. The village was tiny, and everyone looked very similar. All red hair and green eyes. We found someone to translate the note and they turned out to be a cousin of my mother. She took me to see my grandmother...It was all happening so fast, like walking through a fog...thank the maker for Blue!  My grandmother was very kind. she took one look at me and knew who i was. "Geladra's girl." My new cousin read the rest of the note to me...My mother didn't want to leave me. She was running from my father and his Disciples of Ragnos. A Sith cult that was very dangerous. The only way to protect me was to leave me in a safe orphanage. Mon Mothma of Chandrila helped her escape to Coruscant. In the note, she asked that i be taken care of and to find me a good home. She had named me Kalle'a, which means 'joy' in her dialect. Lira is my grandmother's name. My mother loved me...that was all i needed to know. I showed my grandmother holos of Rose and Echo, and left some for her. She took me to meet my cousins and aunts and uncles. All red-heads, like me. But I have blue eyes. Grandmother told me they were my father's eyes. As we walked she asked if i wanted to see my mother. I hadn't even thought about it. i was way overwhelmed. She took me up a small hill to a meadow. the meadow had many stones dotting it. I realized then, that it was a graveyard. Grandmother took me to a beautiful black stone that bore the name of my mother. She had died not long after she left me. they buried her with the only holopic she had of me...I sat next to the spot and talked to her. Forgiving her for leaving me and telling her about my life and her granddaughters. i left a picture of Rose and Echo and me. Blue and i stayed a few days, then...i just needed to be with Echo and Rose again.

I don't know if i'll ever know about my father. part of me wants to know, but if my mother was afraid of him, maybe i don't want to know. I still go by Disco. I've been that as long as i can remember. But i like knowing my real name...In the end, i really did know who i was...a mommy, wife, sister, friend, baker. The new information hasn't really changed me that much. My mother loved me. I'm not unloveable...that's what i needed to know

oh! and my birthday is April 24...

I am SO Bad at This Blogging Thing

I just saw the date on my last post. Almost 3 months. Its not like nothing has happened, either...just busy. Back at the bakery more, two kids and a wonderful husband to spend time with, friends to see. So quick update on the family:
Echo-loving his work, loving me ;) and being the best daddy in the galaxy!
Rose-excelling in the third form, still wants to be a doctor, hanging out with Allana and Cesera, Being the best big sister in the galaxy! Draws pictures for Lily and is so good with her
Lily Blue-almost 6 months old, rolling around, sitting up on her own-well after we sit her up she can stay! soon she'll be sitting up all the way! and crawling...oh dear maker. we need to childproof. She's such a good baby. sweet, easy, a good sleeper, healthy
Deliah Blue-always covered in grease and loving it! can't hardly get her out of the hangar. Best friend and auntie!
Cade-well, its been awhile. but he showed up the other day completely out of nowhere. Never got a response to the texts and comms and pictures of the girls i sent. I'm glad he's back tho
Barb-close, dear friend who moved into the castle. Can't wait to spend more time with her!

As for Kiti, Obi, and Anakin...I still talk to them. They're doing ok. ups and downs, but we're all looking forward to the twins coming! i can't wait to meet them. I miss seeing Kiti and Obi on a daily basis. Ani and i have our issues, but i do love the guy.

More later...this mommy is tired!

(next post: Here and Gone SL))

so, i've been a little busy

well, my intentions were to keep the blog going and updated regularly...having a newborn and an 8 year old is a lot more work than you think. Everyone is well and happy. Lily is growing so fast, i want to bansai her! she's moving around and looking at the world. My Rose is starting third grade this year. Accelerated class. so proud of my babygirl! she gets her smarts from her daddy. Echo and I are fantastic! having a baby really brings people together...not that we needed to be brought together more than we already were...He's a great daddy, patient, and loving...he really enjoys his girls!
On the sad side, Kit and Obi and Ani left the castle for the PBM. i miss having them around all the time.
Deliah Blue is a busy bee, but always takes the time to fawn over her namesake and godchild, Lily Blue...and Rose as well.
Back at the bakery-part time. thank the maker for Shmi and the girls there! i have a pack and play set up in the office for Lily...Rose is taking art lessons this summer.
i think that's it! hopefully will be better about updating this thing

Oh My Maker, I Found My Diary

A few weeks ago, got home from picking up my beautiful Rose at school and there was a package waiting for me. Smallish box, return address...The Coruscant Children's Home (The orphanage where I was raised.) When I left a few years ago, I had thought I'd taken every paltry item that I owned. Apparently not. Picked up the box, took it upstairs, put it in the closet, and forgot about it. Yesterday, I found it again while clearing out some of my clothes to make room for maternity wear. (Yes, its that time. My regular clothes don't fit. And you know what, I don't mind and Echo doesn't seem to mind my tummy getting big.) Took the box out, put it on the bed, and opened it. At first, I was glad I was alone. Didn't know what was in the box. The first thing I found was a letter :

Dear Disco,
      In cleaning out the storage closets at the home, I found this box of items that belong to you. They appear to be papers, books, and some clothing. I hope I was correct in sending them on to you.

Sincerely,
Mrs Charles

She was never one to be verbose.

There were papers, drawings...bad ones, and there at the bottom was my diary. I had received it as a gift on Christmas one year...I was 15, I think. Some rich people decided to do a good deed and donated gifts to the orphanage.That sounded catty. I'm sure they were nice people who wanted to cheer up a bunch of orphans. I think I got the diary because it was the only gift appropriate for my age. A few diaries for the older kids amongst a bunch of toys. I wanted a toy.

When Deliah Blue walked in I had just started flipping through and reading my excruciatingly bad poetry. Don't know why i even tried.  I must have thought that if one had a diary, one had to write things that were deep and meaningful. Luckily, I trusted Blue to let her read some with me. Oh, we had a good laugh. Think tonight I'll start really reading it. See what 10 years have changed, besides the married, mommy, pregnant part. And living in a castle instead of an orphanage, and having friends, and a family...and my own TIE Fighter.

We're Back!

We're home! Echo, Rose and I arrived home to the castle Wednesday night. It was sad to leave our little piece of heaven, but it was time. Fingers crossed we can afford to keep a vacation home there! I'd love our children to grow up both on Coruscant and on C...oops! can't tell that part. I think that based on Rose's love for it, our other kids will love it too. Echo seemed to enjoy our time there too...*blushes* and I enjoyed all the time he spent with his shirt off.

On our way home we had a delightful surprise! Our little Lily Blue kicked for the first time! I'd felt her moving about inside me--kind of felt like bubbles, but this was a definite kick! Echo put his hand on my tummy and felt his "little soldier" kicking away. The look on his face made me fall in love with him even more.The kicking makes her so real...not that the months of morning sickness didn't feel real, but she's in there...kicking away everyday now. And each time, its as exciting as the first. I hope I never get used to the feeling.  Echo talks to her at night. Lying in bed, he puts his head on my tummy and listens to her heart beat and tells her all about her sister, and me, and him and tells her all the things we're going to do as a family. I know that she can't hear him yet (books say at about 7 months the baby can hear outside noises) but I like to think she can.

I had my first encounter with Vader since the day in the infirmary. I went to Navaar's re-marriage ceremony to Bikoura and he was there. I thought we'd be awkward around each other, and worried that he'd try to persuade me to marry him. It wasn't awkward...except for the hug, but that was because he didn't know if he should or not. I felt very comfortable with him. We want our friendship back to where it was. I really think it will work, especially now that he's promised to not come between me and Echo. Not that anyone or thing could! Seems he realizes that whilst pursuing me, he should've been pursuing another. Someone who is free to love him. So, he's let me go. He seems to love this other woman very much...its just awkward for me as the other woman is DiscoGryff. I kind of was her for awhile...and like most things in my life, I am confused by it. I told Echo that night. I think he was confused too. But as long as it means Vader won't try to make me fall in love with him or interfere with our marriage, Echo's fine. My Echo is a wonderful and understanding man. I have no idea what I did to deserve him, but I'm never letting him go.

In a State of Vader Confusion

We're going home! This week, the Gryphon clan returns to Castle Cade and all of their friends. Echo needs to go back to work, Rose needs to go to school, and frankly...I need to bake something! Its been two weeks, and I haven't so much as baked a cookie. As excited as I am to see Blue, Cade, all my friends...especially Kitiyari...there's still this 'thing' hanging over me. That thing, is Darth Vader.

Two weeks ago, while chatting with my dear friend, Lord Vader, a confession was made. He told me that he 'covets' me. In my understanding, 'covet' means to want to possess something you can't have. To Vader, it means he's in love with me. I was shocked. It wasn't something that I had ever considered. The man is my friend. Not to mention, very married...to 10 other women AND has a girlfriend who he adores. More importantly, I'm married. To my soulmate. The love of my life. My Echo. Didn't know how to react to Vader's proclamation. I think I said "I...I...wha...what...?" and I left the room...as fast a pregnant woman can waddle. So, I got home and told my dear Deliah Blue what happened. She then proceeded to rip Vader a new air hole. Fast forward, Navaar's ship med bay...the next day...woke up from my unconscious state--long story!--and there Vader sat. It was so kind of him to come to see me. But when I tried to explain my feelings and let him know that while I was flattered (I mean, come on, the man has all these beautiful, confident, exotic women fawning over him, and he falls in love with me?) and loved him as a friend, I was in love with my husband and wouldn't ever leave him, betray him, or hurt him. He offered to treat me like a queen...Echo already does. He calls me his 'curvalicious beauty, his Greek Goddess.' Force, I love that man...

So, Vader and I argued. He argued his case to a deaf judge. I was very calm and specific about my feelings, but he only heard what he wanted to. Some of the things that he said I said...have NO idea where they came from! Its like my words went into the mask, got jumbled about, and interpreted as the complete opposite of their meaning and intention. He stormed out, my blood pressure elevated, and unconsciousness took over.
Echo was there when I woke. He'd 'spoken' to Vader and now we were going into hiding with Rose. He'd do anything to protect me, Rose, and our little Lily Blue. In hiding, I was free from Vader's reach. Admittedly, I did comm him to try and talk to him more rationally. Ever try to reason with a Sith Lord? I don't recommend it. He wanted me to come back. I gave him the rules. He said, OK. We'll see if he keeps to this agreement.  I'm not holding my breath.

The thing is, I really do care for Vader. As a friend. I don't want him to go away. He is always so kind and complimentary to me and I really think he is a good man. My concern is, did I do something to lead him to believe we had a future, or that I was in love with him? This is something that I need to know so that I won't do it again. I don't want to hurt him. I care about him. No matter how much he frustrates me, he's charming and endearing...in a very odd way. My hope is that someday we can reach a place in our friendship where we can forget this happened and be Vader and Disco again. Where I'm not guarding my words and actions.

Gotta go pack. Hopefully get in a little snuggle time with my Echo. A little mommy/daughter time with my Rose. Can't wait to get home and see everyone.

When Disco Met Rose

Lovely day today on C...umm, the planet where we are vacationing. I think Rose is finally had enough of swimming! Never knew Echo and I raised such a little glimmerfish! But then, we didn't raise her...or we did, but we haven't yet because i'm still pregnant with her. This whole situation still confuses me at times.

On my birthday a few months ago, I was accosted by Governor Tarkin. Some nonsense about taxes. Lord Vader rescued me by performing his patented RFC-Reverse Force Choke. It enables him to bring people or objects to him. So, Vader RFCs me to his ship in order to save me from arrest. But something happened that no one quite expected, and Vader needs a warning label on the RFC-Warning! The RFC should NOT be performed on pregnant women! When I returned to the shop, via shuttle (that RFC is disorienting!), my best friend and business partner, Kitiyari was waiting for me. Sleeping on the sofa in the shop was a little red-haired girl, about 7 years old. So beautiful and peaceful. Then the bomb dropped, the shoe fell, the bottom fell out of my reality, and other such cliches for surprises. Kiti explained that the little girl came into the shop and asked Aunt Kiti where Mommy was. Mommy being...ME. Well, she did have my red hair...and she referred to herself as Rose Gryphon. Ok, that was the name we were planning on giving her...and Gryphon was a suggestion for our last name, as Echo didn't have one. As the little one opened her eyes, my heart burst open. She had Echo's eyes. Those same wonderful, kind eyes I fell in love with, looked at me sleepily and then smiled, said 'hi Mommy' and gave me a big hug.  Instant love. I knew she was mine. I knew she was Echo's. And I knew that I never wanted to stop hugging her. I asked her how she got here. Rose told me that she was playing outside the shop after school when she saw a flash of light (we assume this was due to the RFC). She came into the shop and saw her Aunt Kiti and asked for me.

Thank goodness for Kiti! She took care of my Rose and called Echo. When he walked in, his little girl said, "Hi Daddy!" I wish I knew what was going through his head at that moment. Was it the same things going through mine: how? what? when? Then I remembered that I was pregnant. Or was I? Rose was standing before me, but I was supposedly pregnant with her, and only about 6 weeks. Did this mean I wasn't going to experience her moving and kicking inside of me? Giving birth to her? The first smile, steps, words? Little panic attack. Mental note...make a doctor's appointment as soon as possible. We took her home. Desperately trying not to confuse her any more than she was, but looking at each other with a "What the kriff is
happening?" look in our eyes. We explained as best we could when she asked why things like her room, and Daddy's uniform were different. Rose took the explanation in stride. Kids are resilient and amazing beings.

There are days that I cry thinking about what we've missed with Rose. We don't have the memories of those wonderful milestones. We don't have baby holos. I don't know what her first word was, but I try not to dwell on what I can't change.  There is a rule, we don't ask Rose questions about what she remembers from 'her time.' Kiti explained to her that she can't tell us or it will cause a paradox...or as Rose says a 'parrot ox.' Well, the baby is still inside me and starting to move around. Rose named her Lily...we like the flower names. So little Lily Blue Gryphon will be here soon. Even though, technically, she's Rose. We'll raise her as her own person. And Rose will be a wonderful big sister.

Someday Rose may ask us, "Daddy, Mommy...how did you have me 7 years before you even met?' and hopefully, by then, we'll have an answer.

When Disco Met Echo

So, today while fishing of the boat, Rose asked Echo and I how we met. I guess seven-year-olds are very curious, so we told her. I had to start, as Echo still didn't know why Rex introduced us.
Shortly after my split with Cade, my dear friend Biddy dragged me from my bed for retail therapy. I was not a shopper at the time, so the effectiveness of this plan was not very well thought out. Biddy loves to shop, I went along. Halfway to the shopping place...which I have learned is called a 'mall' or 'galleria,' Bids informed me that we needed to go visit her fiance, Rex, at the base. Great way to get over a breakup...a military base full of good-looking clone troopers.
I decided to stay in the hall as Bids went to play kissy kissy with her man. Sitting and staring at the ceiling...waiting...waiting...then CRASH! Datapads everywhere, and a poor trooper on his knees trying to gather them. I decided to help him...hey, that's just the kinda girl I am. When I handed him his datapads, I noticed the blue handprint on his armor. Looked up, and there were the kindest, sweetest eyes I had ever seen. Forget what they tell you about clones being all alike...this one had soul. He barely looked at me, said "thank you. Ma'am" and walked away. A bunch of shineys called after him, teasing him about his clumsiness, and having his nose stuck in a manual. That's when i learned his name...Echo. Clones usually have numbers, I'd only met a few who had been given, or had given themselves names. I liked his name. Biddy returned, reverie broken. Much shopping and exhaustion caused me to mention to Biddy that maybe it was time to date again.
She mentioned my interest in Echo to Rex...a few days later, Rex appeared at the door with Echo. My Force, I was nervous, and later learned that I never stopped smiling. Don't remember much of the conversation we had. Something about books, parties...no clue. Echo filled Rose in on most of those details. The man has the memory of a droid! He asked if he could call me. That, I will always remember. Well, that, and jumping up and down on my bed after he left that day.
That's the beginning of the love story of Echo and Disco. 99.9% of which is yet to be written. (But that .1% has been pretty spectacular) Rose seemed to love the story. Thankfully, she didn't ask about the first dates, or why Mommy was with Uncle Cade...I'm not ready for those conversations.